Treat subordinate clauses as second-class citizens in your articles

Subordinate clauses are the bane of hard-hitting articles.



Getting the news or key point of your article out as early as possible is essential if you want to grab your readers and hold on to them.



Using a subordinate clause to start your article is a good way of losing them quickly. Unfortunately, many journalism rookies, when they learn how to write, are rarely taught this basic rule.



What's a subordinate clause? Well, here's an example from this news article:



"In a radical experiment that might allow women whose wombs were removed or are defective to bear children, a New York hospital is taking steps to offer the nation's first uterus transplant."



Thankfully, this was not how the story actually appeared in the media. Associated Press is much too professional for that and wrote it the way it should be written.



"A New York hospital is taking steps to offer the nation's first uterus transplant, a radical experiment that might allow women whose wombs were removed or are defective to bear children."



In news writing, a subordinate clause delays your key piece of information, which in the above example is the fact that a New York hospital wants to try a uterus transplant.



In the first example, the dominant clause starts after the comma while in the second version it is before the comma - where it should be.



It is easy to identify a subordinate clause. If the clause cannot exist on its own, then it is subordinate. However, if the clause stands up as a usable sentence, then it is dominant.



The following sentence is clearly lost by itself: "In a radical experiment that might allow women whose wombs were removed or are defective to bear children..."



The sentence is left hanging and unfinished.



In contrast, "A New York hospital is taking steps to offer the nation's first uterus transplant" is strong on it owns and is easily recognizable as the dominant clause.



When writing hard news articles, as opposed to soft articles or features, try to start with a dominant clause. This is not to say you ignore subordinate phrases completely.



You should include a sentence or paragraph that starts with a subordinate clause at various stages of the article to ease the monotony.



A good method would be to make every fourth sentence or paragraph one that starts with a subordinate clause.



Generally, though, avoid these phrases at the top of your story and you would have enhanced your chances of getting your reader's attention.



Nazvi Careem is an experienced journalist, writer and news writing coach who has written for several newspapers, magazines and global news agencies such as Reuters, Associated Press and Agence France-Presse. To suscribe to his free newsletter and receive writing tips, and more, check out The News Writers Post.